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Posts Tagged ‘Jokes’

Sorry, Wrong Address!

It’s wise to remember how easily this wonderful e-mail technology can be
misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of
Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was
planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he
decided to send his wife a quick e-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper
on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in
from memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an
elderly preacher’s wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before.
When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she took one look at the
monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.
At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the
screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

PS. Sure is hot down here.

Forgiveness

The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used "Forgive Your Enemies" as his subject. After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands.

Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of eighty percent.

Still unsatisfied, he lectured for fifteen minutes and repeated his question. With thoughts of Sunday dinner, all responded except one old gentleman in the rear.

"Mr. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?"

"I don’t have any."

"Mr. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?"

"Eighty-six."

"Mr. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a man can live to 86 and not have an enemy in the world."

The old man teetered down the aisle and slowly turned around. "It’s easy. I outlived ’em!"

A Priest And A Bus Driver

A priest and a bus driver both died and went to heaven at the same
time. They get to the pearly gates where St. Peter greets them.

He motions to the priest, and they both hop in a jeep and go out the
back door. There are about 50 acres of rolling hills with a little
cottage on the knoll. St. Peter turns to the priest and says "This
will be yours for eternity. A perfect little cottage, right next to a
wishing well. Anything you wish on that wishing well will come true
guarantied."

The priest says, "Oh, thank you so much. This I shall enjoy!"

St. Peter drops off the priest, goes back to the pearly gates and
motions to the bus driver. They hop in a stretch limo and go out the
front door. There are about 500 acres of land, with mountains and
lakes and rivers. There is a huge castle on one of the mountains with
about 200 rooms.  St. Peter says "This will be yours for eternity. You
can live in that castle with servants to wait on you hand and foot,
and you can have everything you want."

The bus driver looks and St. Peter and says "Well, now, don’t think
I’m not grateful, but shouldn’t the priest get all this, not me?
Shouldn’t I get the cottage and 50 acres instead?"

St. Peter just laughs and says "The reason you get all this is because
when the priest preached, everyone fell asleep.  Now, when you drove
your bus… people prayed!"